DeathToAllMan.

Where are you now?
How are you?
Where are you now?
I still can't see you.

Your voice is what resides within my head.
A smile so treasured and so loved.
Memories of you.
Memories only.

An infinite darkness cast.
Nothing remains for me.
This is my desperation.
Please come back to me.

A flower I lay beside your stone bed.
Still you don't speak to me.
Tears I shed.
For you.

Where are you?
Can you still wait?
Where are you?
I'm coming.

Truth.

I'm sick of living.
I'm sick of living.
I'm sick of everything.
I hate Adam and Eve.
I hate feeling like this.
I'm sick of living.

Affected.

Untitled by Confusion.

I don't know what I am doing.
I don't know what to do at all.
I keep asking myself many questions.
I keep asking about the fall.

What kind of damage?
What kind of find?
I just wish all of this,
would leave this troubled mind.

What about strays?
What about loneliness?
I'm struggling by fighting,
and not finding rest.

How did this torment me?
What the hell have I done?
Cause we are but fools,
fools caught up in the fun.

Why do I wish?
Why do I hate?
Leave me alone,
leave it to curses and fate.

Are bygones gone by?
And what to I say?
To escape this cycle,
to escape this day.

IAskMyself.

Questions.

What is this? A Wall? Are these cracks? Why am I talking to it? Emotionless? Unfeeling? Mirror? Since when did these cracks appear? Why am I so confused? Can it be a wall? Is this real? Ringing hollow reverberations? Could it be a mirror? What is this that I find? Pain? Anguish? Sorrow? Torment? A Wall? Wait, a mirror? Are these cracks? What does this reflect? Is this me? Is this a wall? Silent? Unheard? Sleeping? It couldn't be a mirror right? Tell me now? Tell me later? Tell me somehow? Are you a wall? Resolute? Beautiful and lovely? Destroyed? Tainted? A mirror or a wall? A wall? A mirror?
Questions?
Mirror.
Wall.
Tears.

Ushers,

Broken Wedding Of An Unknown

Ringing chimes,
the sounds of a bell.
A different one shows no signs.
How could it?

Harmonics on a guitar,
ring.
Ring.
ring.
Useless.

Flowing white beauty,
the perfect man.
A broken chap.
A broken clap.

Ask me.
To tell you why I smile.
When I don't know what to do.
I can't hold my peace.

We're done.
We're over.
I've to go.
You have to stay with him.

Why?
Curse my faith.
My fate is useless.
You never knew.
You never would.

Ringing bells.
The loudness at my ears.
My final sight is you,
holding my hand of red.

Farewell, as I usher myself,
into the end of a heartache.

OneStep.

I am officially closer to my driving license. Oh yea. ;p

I was really freaking out when I saw the first 4 questions. I was wondering if I was going to fail again. But I guess lightning never strikes twice. HAHA.

Yesterday was cool cause me and my cuzzie got the same T-Shirt that costs only $4.90. HAHAHA. I love slogan shirts. What can I say. LOL.Dutch Baby?

Well,
n-joi

WaterNight.

"And if you close your eyes,
A river, a silent and beautiful current, fills you from within,
Flows forward, darkens you..."
Water Night - Octavio Paz (Translated)

After hearing Water Night the choir version for the thousandth time, I've decided to write my own poem about night. And in a tribute to the beautiful lyrics of Water Night, I am naming this poem Water Night too. So here.

Water Night

Tell the moon, to maintain the silence.
The perfection of the night.
As tired voices speak with bliss,
meticulously.

Reflections of mistakes will be washed,
for one moment,
purified,
in a beautiful endless field.
A maze,
where I find you.

Crickets are the eyes that watch,
the truth in its silence,
in its solitude,
in its magnitude.

Hair upon the still water.
Skin that feels,
senses that touches,
breath.

Slowly this indulgence,
as slow as the Sun.

Open not the heart.
Soak in the aura,
the winds,
of what was a Water Night.

n-joi

HeRanAsFastAsHeCould.

It's saturday and i've committed myself for the first time this year on a Saturday to really seriously do work. But after hearing that my tuition got cancelled, i'm feeling blardy darn lazy.

Shit.

And so since i'm damn bored, i decided to write random lines for fun. Tell me if you like any of em'.

For love so never cease to exist, that we as humans mark our own walls with hate.

If I was a given a free day, i'll headbang till my head breaks.

Now, is never.

Silent imperfections is the ultimate perfection.

Shush my dear, tell me no more of agony.

This is how you bred a mistake.

OK NO MORE. i'm so damn bored. ;p

n-joi

LiliesExplained.

Oh and some people wanna know more about the poem Contrasting Lilies. So here is a brief summary. I knew I had to do a poem for the Love Poetry Contest in my school, but inspiration never did struck me well. And when it finally did, it came in the form of a simple idea of an imperfect getting together with a perfect. The whole poem took shape in 5 mins, with the concrete overall idea being put in place from the inspiration within my mind in about 2.

The idea of lilies came about when i wanted to start the poem with, "A rose, a rose." but thought a rose being too cliche a flower. So i chose lilies and found that the starting line "lilies, oh lilies." sounded much more lament-ful than the rose one. Also, I wanted to use a flower as a metaphor for the two people in the poem, while highlighting that they are both the same flower essentially, but his inferiority complex kills him. The second line "Your words upon my lips." was drawn with inspiration from George Orwell's 1984 which had a line that went "he woke up with "Shakespeare" on his lips." or something like that. With the formalities cleared, it is time to get to the content.

The poem is about a guy who falls in love with a girl, but feels that he is inferior to her while she is perfect in everything she does, so much so that he only dares admire her from far, and never near.

The first stanza shows how he is lamenting, especially with the him going "Lilies, oh lilies,". He likes her so much that he even remembers the words she speaks. There is also the fact that he only "sees" her and never actually gets to touch/caress her. "As I awake to see the face of truth, the eyes in which I seek my solace." only showing that of looking, and not touching.

Second stanza is basically about him knowing that it is inhumanly tough to do something about his feelings of inferiority. That the world itself cant change that fact. And that the longer he takes to confess his love, the longer he will feel the pain of being inferior, the more he will realise how much he is not meant for her, the more he will feel like giving up and thus losing his feelings bit by bit as it drags on. this is seen in "the time slips pass our stream of consciousness. Our love dissipates. Petal. By petal." the petal imagery of it falling is similar to that of his feelings fading.

Third Stanza is where he subjects himself to change by forcing himself to be a perfect like her. But this is like a "fire" razing upon him, but he rather take the risk than lose the feelings. Though he is "seek[ing] heaven" in becoming perfect, he realizes the difficulty due to the fact that she is way to perfect. That his imperfect-ness (sins) would not lead him to becoming perfect (heaven), and instead of the "fire" on him for fear of losing his feelings, he is recieving more "burns" from her as a perfect individual, making him feel more inferior even when he tries.

Stanza four is pretty straight forward, in his state of desperation, he starts begins to give up, wondering if he should even try, whether there was even a fleeting chance. Compared to the first stanza of being able to see her, he now feels he can't see her, and that she, all along, never saw him.

Stanza five, he gives up and just decides to leave it to fate, hoping that a wind will blow her to him. But even at this juncture, he still feels inferior, not even daring to hope for the whole lily (her) to come to him, but just the sincerity of her as a being (the sweet pollen).

The poem closes with "Sincerly, to thee" to make it seem like this was a letter. and that even in the end of writing this, he doesnt even dare to address it to her, not daring to let her know, instead writing it to himself, which also is in a partial bid for him to remember her throughout, and not give up on her which is ironic as he had already almost given up. What is more ironic is that he says that this letter was sincere, but she never ever gets to feel his sincerity.

In all, this is a play to that of society's view. Is it so wrong for someone of a lower status class to be in love with someone of a higher order? Has sincerity been thrown away? Can one of a lower status even find himself in a confident post in society? or at least in love? One only wishes to know. I hope you've enjoyed this poem as much as I did.

n-joi

00Raiser.

HAHA. SO HAPPY TODAY! ;p ;p ;p. not only because I went out with Gwen, but....

IT FINALLY CAME AFTER BEING SO DAMN LATE! 00RAISER!

Haha. though it was released on 11th of Dec, it came today at La Tendo. will post more photos later. But in the meantime, i'm hoping that the HCM Pro Arios + GN Archer set comes next friday. ;p. the HCM Pro 00 RAISER IS SEXY!!!!!! ;p ;p ;p.

Just wrote a new song but not fully completed. ;p its in its sketching period.

till then,
n-joi

AnOde.

"1 - 5 = 1"

An escapade within discontent.
Ambiguity in the black dot among the white.
This smile,
real,
reflects your confusion.

Pretentious and contentious,
this my artistry,
of smooth transitions within a revolution,
of outbreaks,
of breakouts,
the smell of the air below.

I nurse the poison,
deeper into my blood stream.

Broad to narrow,
Machine,
Machiavelli,
Iago,
your will be my moral villiany.

Realist,
to remove the imagination,
from the confinement of the heart.
This is pessimism in optimism.
Of which a revenge is unplanned.

Undermine for its place,
the perfect time breeds,
the mind's chorus in a discord,
in a harmony.
Impeccable is the smell of blood.

This smile,
real,
reflects your demise.

Sensitivity.

Contrasting Lilies

Lilies, oh lilies,
Your words upon my lips.
As I awake to see the face of truth,
the eyes in which I seek my solace.

For the world was never enough,
and it never will be,
as the time slips pass our stream of consciousness.
Our love dissipates.
Petal.

By petal.

When the fire comes, where will we be?
I seek heaven,
but it is hell to get to heaven.

My sins will not lead me,
your perfection is what burns me.

Lilies, oh lilies,
were we even meant to be?
Maybe I can’t see you,
Maybe you can’t see me.

In the endless fields,
I pray the wind blows.
So that when all is said and done,
your sweet pollen reaches,

Sincerely,
to thee.