Friday, May 27, 2011


it's been a while since i updated. too long for a while.
and i find myself back here as a form of seeking comfort from within.

I think i've changed so much since i last updated. my heart my mind all being ruled differently. things have been good and bad. and I find myself lost once again.

similarity? maybe.

I wanna close my eyes. and breathe again.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010


Chapter 82

They walked. as a measured distance became indirectly clear.
He spoke to no 0ne.
She looked away.

They walked. It never ended.
the road.

Yet they knew the same thing.
with different reactions.
the road would end, and end in which he fell into a hole.
A vision.
as she walked on alone with a smile on her face.

He would fall.
He knew it.


Hell if I do want to care.
Hell if I don't.
My mind is so fucked.
What if I call you my own?

I tear away at every split end,
the heart is not beating anymore.
Just cause it is so afraid.
I don't wanna to fall at all.

Hell if I do care.
Hell if I won't.
Happiness in what doesn't matter.
Emptiness in whatever does.

Sunday, January 3, 2010


You won't know when I ache,
and when I do,
I hide my face and my sorrows.
from you. from you.

You might think that I'm alright
But when a fire fails to burn right.
it burns and consumes you,

I smile to say i'm ok.
It's not about me anymore, any way.
Yet I wished it was. but to do so is a sin,
I can't always commit.

This thirst is unquenchable,
and it statiates for your love.
one unrequited,
like a fake mirror that fails to reflect.

It aches like a knife,
within the heart, moving
in circles to carve a pattern of emptiness.
and all that everything longs for,
is just those three words.

You can't say.
You can't do.
You can't feel.
You can't anything.
You can't anymore.

and so you said. you said.
if only you knew the extent of how bad it cuts,

Thursday, December 31, 2009


Chapter 16.

She told him that it didn't matter anymore.
It confirmed his insecurities.

A leaf flew out of the stack he had kept. stumbled on the floor. face down.

it hurt that she didn't care. yet alone bother to say anything else.
"take care" - the final words.

He tumbled down, his mind losing hope. his lungs losing breath. This was the nightmare he had been avoiding.

He bit on the snake before. he knew that clearly. yet something overwhelming had come upon him.

He trembled. morphing into fits. hysteria. How had he failed?
It was the sufferer and his love. to suffer for love was one. to ache and pain in the process, and wrenching his own heart countless times was another.
The silence of the oppressed forced him not to say anything else.

Please. Don't.

The words found its way out. He lay there, in uncomfortable straits.

All else that she did was to turn back. and kicked him in the heart.
and go on.

the heart was numb. it had been. yet within this numbness lay the fine cracks of passion. passion that broke apart.
Hell was on earth. and earth was in hell.
He contemplated. and begged again. and again. never letting go.
She tried her best to shake him off. running, screaming, hurling.

In the end she gave up.
yes. she did not commit.

He smiled though. as he took it up for a gamble.
a gamble that had failed before. but he had learned.

the oppressed will always be silenced.
and the silenced, always oppressed.
He lay back as she walked away.
insecurities still plagued his heart, but what is a quarter against none.

he was silent.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009


The window clears after the rain.

It's been raining for so long. He said, as he stared into her souless eyes.
No response escapes from those lips of hers. Pale was her complexion.

The frost remains on those windows though, reminding him of the time where she once spoke.
Happier times. Supposedly.

He knelt down in solitude and prayed. On her, for her.
It was all he knew how to do. For the moment now to say the least.

Grant me the strength he whispered.
She carressed his hair. Yet there was something different about it.

It wasn't her skin, her touch or her breath.
She got up and walked through the door. For the last time.

He got up too. But chose to walk a different direction in the last minute.
His eyes welled up, his lungs inflamed from the constant screams from the past few days.

She left. He left. the world.

Sunday, December 13, 2009


I used to love you,
and cherish every moment,
till it ended, till it died,
I remembered every line that came from you.

Now you've decided to fade,
Slithering into the light.
And I embrace the fact that I still do feel the actual way I did.
Maybe I am a fool.

I tell you black is the colour of
Songs and poems and jaded thoughts.
An apple once bitten never tastes the same.

I thought, I dreamt, I thought I saw you,
Its's ok you said,
and all the sweet memories turned bitter into the unknown.
Tempt fate once, again yet again.
Yet your memory stays the same.

Different colour,
different taste,
same person,
different grace.

I still remembered you.