The.Search.For.I.And.I

awhile.

2011-05-27T20:03:00.000-07:00

it's been a while since i updated. too long for a while.

and i find myself back here as a form of seeking comfort from within.

I think i've changed so much since i last updated. my heart my mind all being ruled differently. things have been good and bad. and I find myself lost once again.

similarity? maybe.

I wanna close my eyes. and breathe again.

again.

TheNeverEnd.

2010-02-03T23:23:00.001-08:00

Chapter 82

They walked. as a measured distance became indirectly clear.
He spoke to no 0ne.
She looked away.

They walked. It never ended.
the road.

Yet they knew the same thing.
with different reactions.
the road would end, and end in which he fell into a hole.
A vision.
as she walked on alone with a smile on her face.

He would fall.
He knew it.

HappinessInWhatDoesn'tMatter.

2010-02-03T23:12:00.000-08:00

Hell if I do want to care.
Hell if I don't.
My mind is so fucked.
What if I call you my own?

I tear away at every split end,
the heart is not beating anymore.
Just cause it is so afraid.
I don't wanna to fall at all.

Hell if I do care.
Hell if I won't.
Happiness in what doesn't matter.
Emptiness in whatever does.
did.

JustBecause.

2010-01-03T19:37:00.000-08:00

You won't know when I ache,
and when I do,
I hide my face and my sorrows.
from you. from you.

You might think that I'm alright
But when a fire fails to burn right.
it burns and consumes you,
whole.

I smile to say i'm ok.
It's not about me anymore, any way.
Yet I wished it was. but to do so is a sin,
I can't always commit.

This thirst is unquenchable,
and it statiates for your love.
one unrequited,
like a fake mirror that fails to reflect.

It aches like a knife,
within the heart, moving
in circles to carve a pattern of emptiness.
and all that everything longs for,
is just those three words.

You can't say.
You can't do.
You can't feel.
You can't anything.
You can't anymore.

and so you said. you said.
if only you knew the extent of how bad it cuts,

LikeACutInTheHeart.

2009-12-31T17:43:00.001-08:00

Chapter 16.

She told him that it didn't matter anymore.
It confirmed his insecurities.

A leaf flew out of the stack he had kept. stumbled on the floor. face down.

it hurt that she didn't care. yet alone bother to say anything else.
"take care" - the final words.

He tumbled down, his mind losing hope. his lungs losing breath. This was the nightmare he had been avoiding.

He bit on the snake before. he knew that clearly. yet something overwhelming had come upon him.

He trembled. morphing into fits. hysteria. How had he failed?
It was the sufferer and his love. to suffer for love was one. to ache and pain in the process, and wrenching his own heart countless times was another.
The silence of the oppressed forced him not to say anything else.

Please. Don't.

The words found its way out. He lay there, in uncomfortable straits.

All else that she did was to turn back. and kicked him in the heart.
and go on.

the heart was numb. it had been. yet within this numbness lay the fine cracks of passion. passion that broke apart.
Hell was on earth. and earth was in hell.
He contemplated. and begged again. and again. never letting go.
She tried her best to shake him off. running, screaming, hurling.

In the end she gave up.
yes. she did not commit.

He smiled though. as he took it up for a gamble.
a gamble that had failed before. but he had learned.

the oppressed will always be silenced.
and the silenced, always oppressed.
He lay back as she walked away.
insecurities still plagued his heart, but what is a quarter against none.

he was silent.

EverythingElse.

2009-12-16T01:40:00.000-08:00

The window clears after the rain.

It's been raining for so long. He said, as he stared into her souless eyes.
No response escapes from those lips of hers. Pale was her complexion.

The frost remains on those windows though, reminding him of the time where she once spoke.
Happier times. Supposedly.

He knelt down in solitude and prayed. On her, for her.
It was all he knew how to do. For the moment now to say the least.

Grant me the strength he whispered.
She carressed his hair. Yet there was something different about it.

It wasn't her skin, her touch or her breath.
She got up and walked through the door. For the last time.

He got up too. But chose to walk a different direction in the last minute.
His eyes welled up, his lungs inflamed from the constant screams from the past few days.

She left. He left. the world.

UsedTo.

2009-12-13T19:05:00.000-08:00

I used to love you,
and cherish every moment,
till it ended, till it died,
I remembered every line that came from you.

Now you've decided to fade,
glamorously.
Slithering into the light.
And I embrace the fact that I still do feel the actual way I did.
Maybe I am a fool.

Blue?
I tell you black is the colour of
Songs and poems and jaded thoughts.
An apple once bitten never tastes the same.

I thought, I dreamt, I thought I saw you,
Its's ok you said,
and all the sweet memories turned bitter into the unknown.
Tempt fate once, again yet again.
Yet your memory stays the same.

Different colour,
different taste,
same person,
different grace.

I still remembered you.

Sleepless.

2009-11-14T05:10:00.000-08:00

Sleepless Hue

A plague upon my thoughts.

Sleepless nights to sleep upon,

freckled to look like a fraud.

I can speak a thousand words,

yet only lie a hundred lies,

as my thoughts betray my actions,

as my actions betray my thoughts.

In one crimson spot.

To survive,

oh to survive,

in a mangled mess.

Yet I tangle myself in to feel more secure.

And the spineless cow misses me again.

I choked in vines of green.

I look upon the stars,

for guidance from the constellations.

Karma in the form of you.

In every form,

in a shade of a blue hue.

You became a shard in me,

piercing my lungs,

piercing my eyes,

piercing my tongue,

piercing my heart.

Yet a blackened memory to livid.

I remember you,

I remembered you.

I was trying to,

but you shattered in two.

HateAll.

2009-11-09T03:31:00.000-08:00

These eyes will see through you,

will bleed through you,

yet i'll use thine eyes to see the truth.

This fight, is only mine,

as I step pass the line.

This is the word that breeds,

and here is the fall that shines.

The sacrifice of blood is what I'll keep.

Where all you haters sink, I shall feed.

Don't try to escape the struggle,

for all that culminates for tomorrow.

This is the world that lies,

a world where the fakes say goodbye.

The words is final as I seal my lips,

as I know the only thing that stays is me.

I am now the defined,

the hated and the unsuppressed.

Can this moment pay off?
With all the knifes in my back?

Yet what was done was done so sweetly,

I guess it has been decided,

and the only three words I have to say to you are

Fuck you now.

TheWordsAreSpoken.

2009-10-31T06:26:00.000-07:00

A lingering thought through contentment,

words slip from the bottom lip.

Silence is not always golden,

actions that sashayed with the hips.

Violet vases all around,

love on its broken glass.

Crimson is not the word you chose to speak,

but murmurs of vapour from crass to class.

On angel's wings we once believed,

yet things are too far too hard.

Those were the belongings we chose to keep,

so the past shall stay the past.

100.

2009-09-25T05:45:00.000-07:00

This is the end,
ye devils say.
This is when I know i'll be slayed.

Sin the first,
thus for the sin again,

torn in tethers by thy powers insane.

Call the crime,
henceforth cry by the line,
now's the first as the last one is framed.

Tripping on monologues,

voices in my head,
is this a beginning of the death of my name?

TheSearch.

2009-09-12T05:41:00.000-07:00

Counting days and imagining numbers,
and the veins of my eyes with an outcry of blood.
I breathed in too hard,
too deep as I draw blanks,
I forgot to breathe out.

Entering the gates that beckon,
visionaries, missionaries speak.
They tell you of the life you once lived,
raving in the moment,
dying for the latter.

Spiraling downwards to a perception of life,
fire at my feet.
He proclaims that this is the first,
the course of the origin,
like the finest steel breeds from fire.
I stood in disillusionment.

They throw me up,
force feeding me the mouth of the recipient.
I return to despair.
Breathing out,
bleeding in,
bleeding out.

Numb to the sense,
numb to perceive,
as every bone crackled at me.
Thus the question.
Why am I still alive?

n-joi

Imagine.Thoughts.

2009-08-31T07:10:00.000-07:00

The little things,
like a smile, or a wave of a hand,
sweet thoughts,
its ecstasy that runs in my brain,
like the wind from the ceiling fan.

I could deal with a little silliness,
I could sit down and whine,
drink some sweet honey,
and munch on nectarines,
yes nectarines are fine.

If the night permits,
i'll rip out a little star,
and if it be bright enough,
if it be kind,
you can use your camera,
and compare it with your smile that shines.

You can play the piano,
and i'll strum my guitar,
we'll compose our thoughts together,
maybe pen a word or two,
maybe it'll last forever,
just me and you.

So let it all go now,
the worries and the frown,
close your eyes for this one moment,
but don't look down.

Just smile.

n-joi

FullStop.

2009-08-19T06:28:00.000-07:00

A levels are a bitch.

TheySaidIt.

2009-08-17T05:54:00.000-07:00

If breathing is the obstacle,
then life is but death.
If nothing is but a term,
then something is but imprisonment.
If being is choosing to achieve,
then seeing is choosing to go on.
But when living is the only choice,
then we fall to forever.

KillingThem.

2009-08-06T07:02:00.001-07:00

Selling my soul and my belief,
to kiss the one's devil by its feet.
And bow down to humiliation and shame,
for manipulated gratification,
for incarnate gains.

The will speaks to the heat,
of the reasons that decide deceit.
Now the noises seem to end,
into a rousing chorus that is harder to fend,
it breaks, it aches, it breaks.

Simultaneous solidification of the meaning the words,
tearing beyond logic,
finite finished verse.
The tale of one soul condemned to eternity,
one of happiness to do what the devil bids him.
Life farewell, formulas of hell.

A. A. A. A. A.

Killswitch.

2009-07-10T04:55:00.000-07:00

Today, I GOT MY KILLSWITCH ENGAGE CD + DVD PACK! lol.

Had already listened to the songs in the album before it actually came out. The wonders of the internet. So here is my review.

If you're a KSE fan for the longest time, you'll probably like it, but not as much as the previous albums like The End Of Heartache, or maybe even Alive or Just Breathing.

With the highest expectations set up, especially after The End Of Heartache, it is really tough to fully appreciate this. They said this album would be different, even with Adam D being a co-producer instead of the producer, and venturing into a new sound. Well they did, and they did it pretty well.

If you're a first timer to KSE, listening to this record would probably make you drool. LOL.

I loved the songs in this latest album to a large extent, wishing that some songs had a bit more to it. But after listening to it a couple more times, I think it sounds good the way it is. Songs like Starting Over, Take Me Away, Save Me delivers what I loved about KSE. The romantic lyrics of falling in or out or even being in love. Yet with songs like The Reckoning, Never Again and The Forgotten, KSE shows their heavy impact. Though not up to their old standards, this album is pretty darn good.

It's been playing in my MP3 for more than a week now. LOL. I have yet to see the DVD and hear the 4 bonus tracks, which I will update later, but i'm really hoping for MORE ADAM D ANTICS. lol. A KSE DVD without him is like Chicken Rice without the chili sauce (I don't like it. LOL.), as seen in his disappearance at the 2007 Download Festival. LOL. their 2009 Download appearance was good by the way. LOL.

In all, I like this album. And it makes me happy. KSE FTW!

n-joi

on the side note, i've started driving lessons. and it is damn fun. Also Mid years have ended and it doesnt look ALL TOO GOOD. lol. ;p

Transformed.

2009-06-24T06:56:00.000-07:00

I just came back today from watching Transformers 2, Revenge of the Fallen.

and it kinda sucked.

It was like watching the whole first movie again. The new added character's were given little screen time, or sometimes just didn't make sense. here is my analysis.

Yes, transformer fans would know who the fallen is, and know that he has only been mentioned two to three times in Transformers history. To make it worse, THEY HAD TO MAKE THE FALLEN LOOK LIKE SHIT. I MEAN, WHAT WAS WITH HIS SCEPTER? BULL. CRAP. AND GAY.

Jetfire/Skyfire is supposed to be cool. NOT SOME OLD HAGGARD SHIT. It was cool he and Optimus linked up. that was about it.

Ironhide, one of the nicest looking characters in the movie version had SO LITTLE SCREEN TIME. AND HE HAD TO BACK SAM UP LIKE THE FIRST MOVIE. I MEAN, COME ON MAN?!!?!

Optimus Prime got more screen time, that was rad. BUT before he got "killed" he was seen cruising with a WHOLE JEAN GANG OF AUTOBOTS. WHERE WERE THEY!??!!? And his ABOUT A MINUTE TRASHING OF THE FALLEN, STARSCREAM AND MEGATRON WAS THE EPIC OF ALL GAYNESS. ESPECIALLY SINCE THE WHOLE FINAL FIGHT SCENE HAD GONE ON FOREVER.

SOUNDWAVE IS MY FAVOURITE DECEPTICON. AND WHAT DID THEY DO TO HIM. NOTHING. HE WAS JUST SOME STUPID SATELLITE STUCK UP THERE IN SPACE. YES, the idea of him releasing Ravage was wicked. BUT HE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING ELSE. AND HIS VOICE SHOULD HAVE BEEN MORE G1 like. HE OF ALL DECEPTICONS SHOULD HAVE BEEN GIVEN A PIVOTAL ROLE.

DEMOLISHER was as UGLY AS HELL. how did he go from a small excavator to A BLARDY HUGE BOT?!!?!

How bout Devastator, or the constructicons. he was cool as hell. BUT HOW DID HE DIE? He got blasted by some lame ass shitty laser thingy. THAT WAS GAY.

Mudflap and Skids were so cool. Especially when they fought with Devastator. BUT WHAT HAPPENED TO THEM?! NO ONE KNOWS. WELL DONE.

And here is to all the other autobots and decepticons who had little to no screen time thanks to Megan Fox and Shia Lebeouf. OH, and the soldiers, that goverment guy, the army military fighting scenes etc etc.

AND YES, about them.

They WERE SO TRYING TO PUT MEGAN FOX IN THE HOT AND SEXY POSITION. WELL GUESS WHAT. THEY FAILED. what made megan fox so hot in the first movie was the naturalness of her beauty. This time it was SO EXAGGERATED.

And SCREW THE MILITARY. THEY DID BULL IN THE MOVIE. IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT TRANSFOMERS FIGHTING. NOT THE MILITARY. THEY HAD SOME UNKNOWN DECEPTICONS FIGHTING AT THE END. YOU KNOW WHO YOU COULD HAVE REPLACED THAT WITH. YOU KNOW WHO?!?!! HOW BOUT FREAKING SOUNDWAVE!?!?!?! OR SHOCKWAVE!?!?! damn it.

PLUS the ending fighting scene was SOOOOOOOOOOOO DRAGGY. AND SOOOOOOOOOOO NAGGY AND SOOOOOOOO LONG.

And for all our sakes, PLEASE HAVE MORE ROBOT FIGHTING SCENES. NOT human vs robots or planes vs robots.

Ok. but there were some good parts.

Mudflap and Skids. Wheelie. The intel guy at the Butcher store. The parents of Sam. Jetfire and Optimus combining. How potentially obscene the combination of the constructicons looked. Ironhide. Soundwave actually being able to appear. Optimus's extra screen time. Bumblebee's fighting scene at the final fight.

In all, this was worse than the first movie. probably a 5/6 out of 10.

LONG LIVE SOUNDWAVE. DECEPTICONS SUPERIOR!

StartingOver.

2009-06-23T06:47:00.001-07:00

LoveLost

Every moment, every second.
A tragic tale for a tragic lie.
The bluntness of a fragile heart.
That beats beyond yonder.

A heartbeat, a stoned heart.
See what words won't measure.
Look beside the color green.
Carmine and Burgundy.

And so ends,
the end.
For it must die,
to return again...

or so she said.

RomanticNotions.

2009-06-15T07:39:00.000-07:00

Stream of consciousness.
The standing of the test of time.
Lesser words.
But with the sudden inclination.
Quiet minutes.
Alike minds.
Pleasant surprises that ride.
Nothing more than a smile or two.
Heartbeats that tremble.
Breaths that fuse.
Looking deeper between the eyes.
One word or two.
Romantic notions.
For one to peruse.

Don'tYouWishYouWereAChildAgain.

2009-06-11T07:22:00.000-07:00

just for a minute. now.

I declare my allegiance in Kamelot. LOL. An awesome metal band in my opinion. And I love Roy Khan. Whoots. ;p

I turned to facebook after declaring that I would not enter it at all. Damn me. But it was a good choice. Seeing friends I haven't seen in a while is pretty rad to a large extent. And having a new avenue for games doesn't hurt either now does it? So yes, I am on facebook. Add me if you haven't already had. And NO, I didn't put my full name but my confirmation name with initials of my name so as to prevent kap-poh aunties and uncles and my mum and dad from intruding into this private space cause they ALL have facebook.

WELCOME TO THE IT GENERATION OLD FOGEYS!
bleugh.

n-joi

AChild'sWorld.

2009-06-06T04:21:00.000-07:00

The little things of wonder,
and the marvels of your fascination,
how your innocence pervades,
and travels through the sky of blue.

Tiny little trails of tiny little steps,
let me into your world,
let me breathe what I can never breathe anymore.
For yours is what others never see.
Beauty.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

OKOKOK. I AM SOOOOOOOOOOO SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING FOR SO DAMN BLARDY LONG.

hahaha. nothing much has been happening. except that i've become more stressed than ever, and that i'm suffering from lack of gundam depression. HAHA.

Seriously. Nothing much has happened. that's how lame things have been. WAHA.
or maybe its cause i'm too lazy to blog about what happen.

Oh ya, i remember one, i ran a 10km run in an hour. ;p

n-joi

Look.

2009-05-22T22:36:00.000-07:00

Think what you will.
I will be who I am.

No fear, no shame, no gain.

Jack.

2009-05-13T06:28:00.000-07:00

Here is my current obsession. Jack Conte's Yeah Yeah Yeah.
While at it, please check out his other videos.
He is seriously one talented genius.
Apparently this was a pretty while back video by him. I hate myself for only finding it now.
My other favourite is his Flavors video. Its a damn good song too.

And then when you love his music, go check out Pomplamoose Music, a collaboration with his girlfriend Nataly Dawn. Who is just as talented as him. ;p

n-joi
p.s this is the first video i've posted in my blog. ;p

SpitOnTheFace.

2009-05-13T06:14:00.000-07:00

Insult again?
To open up a scab that's sealed in dried blood.
Fresh off memories that should be forgotten.
Can I say I regret?
To lie again to open faces which speak at me.
Reminders of a haunting that fear personifies.
Is it fair to die?
Surrounded by winter where the lady has closed the door.
Where the bread seems fresher in taste than sight.
Tell me how.

Othello.

2009-05-11T06:37:00.000-07:00

Dare you look me in the eye?
With the breath of lies you breathe?
Can you honestly wish for tomorrow?
When it is this moment of deceit you live.

Ocular proof and visages within,
Sinister minds that speak.
Tell me the deeds.

Tell me in reassurance,
tell me to be.
To find a way to hate and love you,
to search for a way to see.

For now you are the devil,
and I am the light within the light that sieves.
Pestilence dare you breed?
When you ripped the trust out of me.

One chance rids duplicates,
Sinister minds that speak.
Tell me the deeds.

Deeper into your heart,
trances that plague,
my one last scream,
remember me.

Nevermore.

2009-05-05T07:28:00.000-07:00

A complex momentous shift,
scrubs and bread,
water with alkaline sweetness.

Recovering to tell,
a long pause,
a disgraced displaced soul.

Vicious cycle cries out for an end.
Too sick to repeat,
a topical glory.

Here is the sore.
The root with broken arrows,
and twisted carols that no longer resounds.

Judgment for the strong,
and the poorest weakest survive,
yet floods consume us all.

Here is the end.
Nevermore.

Moderate.

2009-05-04T07:51:00.000-07:00

OH BEAT IT!!!!!!!!
go listen to Raintime's version of MJ's Beat It. It is so much better than Fall Out Gay's version of it.
And while you're at it. Go listen to B-52's ROCK LOBSTER!!!!!!!

We were at the beach.
Everybody had matching towels.
Somebody went under a dock.
And there they found rock.
But it wasn't a rock,
IT WAS A ROCK LOBSTER!!!!!!

classic.

Today. I woke up alright.
BUT. the minute I alighted at the MJ bus stop, this overwhelming pain came to my lower back on the right.
I left in the first period. BUT NOT BEFORE I NEARLY BECAME A "FLU" VICTIM. jeez.
incapacitated for more than half a day. Doctor said it was a muscle pull.
Then therapy from one of those chinese reflexology area.
It helped a bit, but who cares when it feels so good.
;p
well till then.

n-joi

Loathed.

2009-05-02T21:17:00.000-07:00

Terrified,
the nightmare deep within awakes.
Sweet and bitter pellets on the tongue,
intrigued.
Deciphering memories,
codes that were lost,
canned and confined,
released.

Aesthetic beauty,
for the way it is.
Alternative alternates.
Fevers for the heart,
antidotes that worsen the poison.
Sincere rejection of the self,
to open up when awoken.

The way that is so,
never understood,
yet never considered.
Here it is presented,
at the edge of the gates,
at the passing of time.

Re-faithed.

2009-04-27T04:13:00.000-07:00

Thank You for giving me something wonderful,
for something great in the darkest times.
Thank You for showing me once more,
to find the courage deep within.
Thank You for hearing me speak,
and answering a broken voice.

Thank you for being there again,
time after time.
Thank you for loving me,
when it seemed like no one else would.
Thank you for promising me,
as you did before, as you always have.
Thank you for having faith in me,
so that I would have faith in him, once more.

I love you.

n-joi

Traumatized.

2009-04-26T04:12:00.000-07:00

HEY ALL. DUE TO CERTAIN INCONVENIENCES, MY PHONE IS GONE WITH THE WIND.
SO PLEASE JUST OFFLINE MESSAGE ME OR EMAIL ME OR TAG MY TAGBOARD IF THERE IS ANY PROBLEM.
THANK YOU!

n-joi

Donation.

2009-04-21T07:36:00.000-07:00

I donated my blood. First time is the last time for that.
It was pain to a small extent. The injection was stinging.
The RUDE AWAKENING CAME WHEN THEY PUSHED IN THE THING TO DRAW UR BLOOD.
I was tense throughout. Guess it was a fear of shifting and thus causing more pain.
But then again. What the hell. I saved a possible 3 lives.
Did you?

There standing,
mortal beauty that crucifies judgement.
Beyond means.
What used to stay,
fades into the undecided background.
Betray, betrayed,
a revolution that starts,
a cycle that swallows.
Pits of despair,
yet I tangle myself,
for it is the only salvation.
In a darkened state.

n-joi

Contention.

2009-04-12T03:44:00.000-07:00

Corruption and feigned ignorance,
victim to the endless democracy.
Slit throats for the price of freedom,
this is the bloodied road we’re meant to see.

Affliction by the hands of torment,
ciphers for the twisted symbols.
Machine coated collared sickness,
taking others lives for the end of survival.

CanITellYou.

2009-04-11T07:56:00.000-07:00

lol, reading old posts and I realized I forgot to update one thing.
I HAVE NOT EVEN BEEN CLOSE TO making headway on "The Love of Life" thing. hahahahaha.
SRY ALL!

but I really wish I have the time too. Maybe after A's or something.
I'll see how.

Mini-aim now,
To make Evan learn "I Never Knew"
and record a full proper version of "Three Way Crash" on my own
as well as record a FULLLLLL WITH BAND version of "Three Way Crash"

And I just realised I never mentioned anything about the song "Three Way Crash"
It's a song I wrote in secondary 4 after overlooking someone messaging someone else on the bus. Her type size font was large so I read it. Apparently, this girl had been with a guy for 10 years, not married, but he totally wrecked her apart. The message was sad, and the main line that hit me so hard was this simple line.

"After 10 years of knowing you, at least now I know you are capable of loving someone else."

The bus passed a traffic junction where there had been a crash between two cars and a lorry and it was a serious accident. After which I alighted and went straight home to write the lyrics for the song. I didn't know what to name it, so I related everything to this friend of mine who saw the link between the accident and the girl. Just like one lorry crashing into two cars, this one guy crashed into two girls. And then she said the three words.

"Three Way Crash"

So without further adue, here are the lyrics, with a tribute to the girl on that no. 10 bus.

"Three Way Crash"

Close my eyes,
say goodbye,
this is the end of us.
I still don't understand,
why you lied.
Why you needed to break us apart.

Cause I prayed,
through every night and day.
For you.

At least now I know,
that you're capable of loving someone else.

Cause when I leave,
will you still be a part of me,
in my mind,
or in my soul,
or just a memory?
Cause I could never take such pain.
And I'm just confused in this nightmare i'm living in.

I guess my mind's,
too confused.
It's clouded in hate and mistrust.
I still don't understand,
why you had to turn around and leave.

At least now I know,
that you're capable of loving someone else.

Cause when I leave,
will you still be a part of me,
in my mind,
or in my soul,
or just a memory?
Cause I could never take such pain.
And I'm just confused in this nightmare i'm living in.

Taking my heart,
and tearing my soul.
Crying out now,
but it's too far from home.
This burden I suffer,
I bear it alone.
For what you said,
killed me.

Till the next update.
n-joi

FML.

2009-04-07T07:43:00.000-07:00

Yes, I went through the first choir auditions with a subpass. I failed one line which all my other mates failed as well.
Today, with my busted up voice I had my reaudition for that line. Upon hitting the line, and singing the first note of that line, I knew I was done for.
Then a second and third chance to reaudit for a place. And Deja Vu. Just like two years ago, with my stupid busted ass voice, I failed, and became a stand-by.
But this time it is worse cause stand-bys dont come for choir prac, meaning they probably dont have a last audition to get in.
WHOOTS. Fuck My Life.

Was happy that Alvin made it though. His hard work exceeds everyone in choir added up together.
so ya, congrats Al.

So with choir, unwantingly out of the fucking way, I guess I just have to broke ass study hard.
Congrats to all the fobs who wanted me to stop choir ASAP and study. AKA relatives.

I went running at 9.30pm. came back at 10.20pm. Just caused I felt so sick of life.

so till then,
n-joi

Now, with choir out of the way,

EpitomeOfTheEyes.

2009-04-04T07:17:00.000-07:00

Choir camp just ended. And as per every camp I have been in, I have busted my voice. ;p
Choir camp was fun I guess, and really taxing when you have a crazy bunch of J1's who keep pounding at basketball and football and inevitably drive you to want to do the same. Sleep was scarce even though I knocked off earlier. Shiiiiiiiity.

Went out with Gwen today where she treated me to an AWESOME MEAL at this Ramen stall that only serves three types of Ramen at Central. Shopping at Meidi-ya where I blasted a bomb on chocolates and drinks. Spent most of our time sleeping on the bus. HAHA.

And here, I would like to say something. I don't know what you want. And you are making me want to kill you. But if you want to fake shit and point the gun in between my nose and say that you didn't do it, bring it on. Asses never appreciate. Fob questions. Bitch, wrench in hell.

I saw you looking through the corner of my eye.
n-joi

ButThenAgain.

2009-04-02T05:01:00.000-07:00

I want to enjoy a good time by performing live. With a band. With a song I write.
I want to hear them sing along. And cheer.
I want to soak in that atmosphere.
Grah. too far away.

n-joi

Now.

2009-03-30T07:24:00.001-07:00

A Tiding.

Crashing waves and lonely walks.
Fear of unsung silences.
Mangled hands entwined coldness,
writing on sacred walls of written prayers,
when none parallels the newly paralleled.

Expired petals and flaccid breaths.
Fear of articulated words.
Renounced commitments legible,
amounted deficiency calculated meticulously,
when preferable situations calls out.

Good things must come to an end.
Nothing lasts forever.
Better choices always exist.
Farewell,
you.

Mirage.

2009-03-30T06:01:00.001-07:00

Friday entailed me, Vic, and Anna heading to the SIA club for pool, lunch and badminton. Sam PULLED OUT LAST MIN.
We had a mini breakfast at YaKun at T3, before playing pool at the SIA club, where we met this cool uncle who gave us tips on how to play better.
Lunch at Astons was wicked with all 3 of us discussing on the possibilities of drinking there and then.
Then badminton while enduring Anna's racket to my eye, and a shuttlecock hitting Anna's stomach and leaving a red mark, courtesy of me. HAHA.
NOT TO FORGET. ANNA'S BIMBO LINES!!!!
-Anna falls down- "Ouch, the floor damn hard can. They should put padding."
AND
"Very hot, should on the fan" (Vic and I tell her that the fan would affect the movement of the shuttlecock, like DUH) "Then they should put fan on the floor.
LOL, EPIC FUNNY BIMBO ANNABELLE. < style="text-align: center;">O, call back yesterday, bid time return.

Yesterday, was a fun day cause we watched A Winter's Tale at the Esplanade.
What made it damn cool was while me, Sam, Vic and Anna all planned to wear jeans, we all ended up wearing white. Anna with a white Tee, Vic with a white Shirt, Sam with a white hoodie, and me wearing a white chinese collar shirt.
Lunch at Thai Express, and Dinner at Soup Spoon. ;p ;p ;p.
The play was well acted, though I fell asleep supposedly at the climax for 5 min. However, I didn't really like the overall happy ending. Bleugh. Let the pics do the talking. ;p

Proof that Vic is indeed a Mafia.

Anna's Idea. Failed.Watch how we all fail to impersonate Vic's mafia pose. With Vic failing in epic proportions.

Just a ton of pictures, for updates sake, in no chronological order.

The amazing fire hydrant on display. A work of art by Zara clothes store.

Random scenery.

Random scenery II.

Random Scenery III.

My cuz and me at the airport.

My cuz and me during chinese new year. Baba clothes are not hot.

The following pics are damn old. about a year plus. Here is,

THE GROWTH OF THE MONSTER ON YOUR PLATE!

HarmlessMaybe not so.WTF!!!

Next, Gundam stuff.
WHOOTS! CELESTIAL BEING!!
Cherudim.
Seravee. Seraphim(not shown)
Arios.
00 Gundam - made the GN sword III out of Exia's sword. ;p
THE SUPER SEXY DESTINY GUNDAM!!

Well, until the next update,
n-joi

CanIRemember.

2009-03-29T06:12:00.000-07:00

Can I remember?
When heartstrings pulled,
and when our minds tangled in the mess of nothingness.
Blissful speeches and drawn lines,
with awkward silences and the sun glistening between your eyes.
And collarbones for support of the weary heads,
where playful yawns rest,
nestling for space.

Can I remember?
Nostalgic photos printed and cut,
after meals of insatiable delight.
Tears that would flow not for sadness,
but for the reading of lips that moved too soon.
Songs played out of tune that didn't matter,
for words replaced and gave a deeper influence,
of pure bliss.

Tell me.
Can I remember?

Rant.

2009-03-21T05:59:00.000-07:00

Don't you hate it when your parents promise you something and don't give it to you. And to make it worse, they brew up fantastical excuses to further piss you off and then do NOTHING about it?

Well it happened just now. Not once, but the second time in two weeks. And i'm fucking pissed.

n-joi

IfIWereYou.

2009-03-17T20:29:00.000-07:00

OK QUICK UPDATE!!!!!!
I realise I haven't updated so much shit around. bleugh.

Purchases.
WST Dinobots Dark Retriunbution - Only 500 pieces online and i got it at a steal of a 25% discount.
(SD Gundam Romance of The Three Kingdoms) Ma Chao - It looks too cool. I had to get it.
HCM Pro Destiny Gundam - HOW COULD I NOT WHEN IT WAS HALF PRICED AT $20
Did I mention that I bought God Forbid and Arch Enemy Concert DVDs? ;p
More guitar picks.
Plenty of snacks for invetory in my room which includes Hup Seng's Sugar Crackers. A total of 36 square sugar biscuits at $1.80.

Achievements.
Studied. LOL. Seriously.
Wrote at least 2 new songs.
Won best picture for architecture in my Photography Elective.
I PASSED MY DRIVING FINAL THEORY TEST! EVEN THOUGH I HARDLY STUDIED FOR IT.
Done with GP exam.
MADE FUN OF EDWIN HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Had a very very good laugh recently.
Caught back some sleep that is sorely needed.
Planned a study schedule.
Got more notes from people.
Ran 1 hour non-stop in the rain which I have been wanting to do for SOOOO LONG.
Remembered how to play the card game, Speed and won.

Failures.
No new songs in my mp3.
Been watching too much Family Guy.
Not enough studying.
Played L4D.
Got made fun of by Samantha about running in the rain. Shall NOT elaborate.
Also, failed to kill Sam. ;p
Remembered how to play the card game, Speed and lost.

Lol. ok, simple update. HEH. will update soon with pics of the HCM Pro Destiny Gundam just cause it is damned sexy.

n-joi

HearMe.

2009-03-05T06:36:00.001-08:00

28

Floors expose,
spots of a darker shade of grey.
Can you hear this facade?

A mockery of things,
silent moments speak louder,
wrenches within.

Push away,
victim on the ground.
Cradling up.

Notes ring sorrow,
of being close,
of being far from a heart.

I want to know,
how to love.
You.

Here is number 28.

Stewie.

2009-03-04T05:27:00.000-08:00

"Oh squiggly line in my eye fluid,
I see you there lurking there on the periphery of my vision.
But when I try to look at you,
you scurry away.
Are you shy squiggly line?
Why only when I ignore you,
do you return to the centre of my eye?
Oh squiggly line it’s alright,
You are forgiven."

- Stewie, Family Guy.

Mixed.

2009-03-03T06:56:00.000-08:00

And Justifiably It Came.

Deep rooted agony.
Contempt the waves of the sea.
Toxic purification.
The burden that burdens me.

Sinking deeper by the moment.
Slip hole memories.
Bites the crust at its edge.
Forgetting who to be.

Deceit of a frail mind.
Silhouettes behind thee.
Curtains that waver.
Hidden shadows that see.

This a strange passing.
Anomaly of anomalies.
Tears that plague a window.
Sorrow for a soul to keep.

ItsBeenAWhile.

2009-03-03T06:49:00.001-08:00

I just realise I haven't updated on a TRILLION STUFF.

OKOKOK. so i'll summarise

Firstly, me, Elliot, Denise and Dennis represented MJC in the NUS History Seminar 2009 and won best presentation. It was a very slip shot effort considering the script was only passed to us the day before the presentation and that we only had our first rehearsal just 2 hours before out presentation. We obviously won in a frivolous way considering that we were doing a skit whilst everyone else was having formal presentations. but the end justifies the means. SO WHATEVER.

Also, I recently obtained two gundams that i've been waiting for, Gundam Arios and Seravee/Seraphim Gundam. AND THEY ARE BOTH FREAKING SEXY AND COOL. ;p

Been really busy with work and feeling sick and sleepy everyday. and the MARCH BLOCK TEST is coming up. my main aim now is to finish up as much work as possible before its all too late. and seriously start pressurising myself.

I'm sorry for not updating, but I will promise to try. Pictures will be uploaded soon. HAHA. CIAO.

n-joi

DeathToAllMan.

2009-02-23T04:53:00.000-08:00

Where are you now?
How are you?
Where are you now?
I still can't see you.

Your voice is what resides within my head.
A smile so treasured and so loved.
Memories of you.
Memories only.

An infinite darkness cast.
Nothing remains for me.
This is my desperation.
Please come back to me.

A flower I lay beside your stone bed.
Still you don't speak to me.
Tears I shed.
For you.

Where are you?
Can you still wait?
Where are you?
I'm coming.

Truth.

2009-02-18T06:18:00.000-08:00

I'm sick of living.
I'm sick of living.
I'm sick of everything.
I hate Adam and Eve.
I hate feeling like this.
I'm sick of living.

Affected.

2009-02-18T04:40:00.000-08:00

Untitled by Confusion.

I don't know what I am doing.
I don't know what to do at all.
I keep asking myself many questions.
I keep asking about the fall.

What kind of damage?
What kind of find?
I just wish all of this,
would leave this troubled mind.

What about strays?
What about loneliness?
I'm struggling by fighting,
and not finding rest.

How did this torment me?
What the hell have I done?
Cause we are but fools,
fools caught up in the fun.

Why do I wish?
Why do I hate?
Leave me alone,
leave it to curses and fate.

Are bygones gone by?
And what to I say?
To escape this cycle,
to escape this day.

IAskMyself.

2009-02-18T04:30:00.000-08:00

Questions.

What is this? A Wall? Are these cracks? Why am I talking to it? Emotionless? Unfeeling? Mirror? Since when did these cracks appear? Why am I so confused? Can it be a wall? Is this real? Ringing hollow reverberations? Could it be a mirror? What is this that I find? Pain? Anguish? Sorrow? Torment? A Wall? Wait, a mirror? Are these cracks? What does this reflect? Is this me? Is this a wall? Silent? Unheard? Sleeping? It couldn't be a mirror right? Tell me now? Tell me later? Tell me somehow? Are you a wall? Resolute? Beautiful and lovely? Destroyed? Tainted? A mirror or a wall? A wall? A mirror?
Questions?
Mirror.
Wall.
Tears.

Ushers,

2009-02-15T00:15:00.000-08:00

Broken Wedding Of An Unknown

Ringing chimes,
the sounds of a bell.
A different one shows no signs.
How could it?

Harmonics on a guitar,
ring.
Ring.
ring.
Useless.

Flowing white beauty,
the perfect man.
A broken chap.
A broken clap.

Ask me.
To tell you why I smile.
When I don't know what to do.
I can't hold my peace.

We're done.
We're over.
I've to go.
You have to stay with him.

Why?
Curse my faith.
My fate is useless.
You never knew.
You never would.

Ringing bells.
The loudness at my ears.
My final sight is you,
holding my hand of red.

Farewell, as I usher myself,
into the end of a heartache.

OneStep.

2009-02-09T03:10:00.000-08:00

I am officially closer to my driving license. Oh yea. ;p

I was really freaking out when I saw the first 4 questions. I was wondering if I was going to fail again. But I guess lightning never strikes twice. HAHA.

Yesterday was cool cause me and my cuzzie got the same T-Shirt that costs only $4.90. HAHAHA. I love slogan shirts. What can I say. LOL.Dutch Baby?

Well,
n-joi

WaterNight.

2009-02-07T23:47:00.000-08:00

"And if you close your eyes,
A river, a silent and beautiful current, fills you from within,
Flows forward, darkens you..."
Water Night - Octavio Paz (Translated)

After hearing Water Night the choir version for the thousandth time, I've decided to write my own poem about night. And in a tribute to the beautiful lyrics of Water Night, I am naming this poem Water Night too. So here.

Water Night

Tell the moon, to maintain the silence.
The perfection of the night.
As tired voices speak with bliss,
meticulously.

Reflections of mistakes will be washed,
for one moment,
purified,
in a beautiful endless field.
A maze,
where I find you.

Crickets are the eyes that watch,
the truth in its silence,
in its solitude,
in its magnitude.

Hair upon the still water.
Skin that feels,
senses that touches,
breath.

Slowly this indulgence,
as slow as the Sun.

Open not the heart.
Soak in the aura,
the winds,
of what was a Water Night.

n-joi

HeRanAsFastAsHeCould.

2009-02-06T21:44:00.000-08:00

It's saturday and i've committed myself for the first time this year on a Saturday to really seriously do work. But after hearing that my tuition got cancelled, i'm feeling blardy darn lazy.

Shit.

And so since i'm damn bored, i decided to write random lines for fun. Tell me if you like any of em'.

For love so never cease to exist, that we as humans mark our own walls with hate.

If I was a given a free day, i'll headbang till my head breaks.

Now, is never.

Silent imperfections is the ultimate perfection.

Shush my dear, tell me no more of agony.

This is how you bred a mistake.

OK NO MORE. i'm so damn bored. ;p

n-joi

LiliesExplained.

2009-02-06T06:51:00.000-08:00

Oh and some people wanna know more about the poem Contrasting Lilies. So here is a brief summary. I knew I had to do a poem for the Love Poetry Contest in my school, but inspiration never did struck me well. And when it finally did, it came in the form of a simple idea of an imperfect getting together with a perfect. The whole poem took shape in 5 mins, with the concrete overall idea being put in place from the inspiration within my mind in about 2.

The idea of lilies came about when i wanted to start the poem with, "A rose, a rose." but thought a rose being too cliche a flower. So i chose lilies and found that the starting line "lilies, oh lilies." sounded much more lament-ful than the rose one. Also, I wanted to use a flower as a metaphor for the two people in the poem, while highlighting that they are both the same flower essentially, but his inferiority complex kills him. The second line "Your words upon my lips." was drawn with inspiration from George Orwell's 1984 which had a line that went "he woke up with "Shakespeare" on his lips." or something like that. With the formalities cleared, it is time to get to the content.

The poem is about a guy who falls in love with a girl, but feels that he is inferior to her while she is perfect in everything she does, so much so that he only dares admire her from far, and never near.

The first stanza shows how he is lamenting, especially with the him going "Lilies, oh lilies,". He likes her so much that he even remembers the words she speaks. There is also the fact that he only "sees" her and never actually gets to touch/caress her. "As I awake to see the face of truth, the eyes in which I seek my solace." only showing that of looking, and not touching.

Second stanza is basically about him knowing that it is inhumanly tough to do something about his feelings of inferiority. That the world itself cant change that fact. And that the longer he takes to confess his love, the longer he will feel the pain of being inferior, the more he will realise how much he is not meant for her, the more he will feel like giving up and thus losing his feelings bit by bit as it drags on. this is seen in "the time slips pass our stream of consciousness. Our love dissipates. Petal. By petal." the petal imagery of it falling is similar to that of his feelings fading.

Third Stanza is where he subjects himself to change by forcing himself to be a perfect like her. But this is like a "fire" razing upon him, but he rather take the risk than lose the feelings. Though he is "seek[ing] heaven" in becoming perfect, he realizes the difficulty due to the fact that she is way to perfect. That his imperfect-ness (sins) would not lead him to becoming perfect (heaven), and instead of the "fire" on him for fear of losing his feelings, he is recieving more "burns" from her as a perfect individual, making him feel more inferior even when he tries.

Stanza four is pretty straight forward, in his state of desperation, he starts begins to give up, wondering if he should even try, whether there was even a fleeting chance. Compared to the first stanza of being able to see her, he now feels he can't see her, and that she, all along, never saw him.

Stanza five, he gives up and just decides to leave it to fate, hoping that a wind will blow her to him. But even at this juncture, he still feels inferior, not even daring to hope for the whole lily (her) to come to him, but just the sincerity of her as a being (the sweet pollen).

The poem closes with "Sincerly, to thee" to make it seem like this was a letter. and that even in the end of writing this, he doesnt even dare to address it to her, not daring to let her know, instead writing it to himself, which also is in a partial bid for him to remember her throughout, and not give up on her which is ironic as he had already almost given up. What is more ironic is that he says that this letter was sincere, but she never ever gets to feel his sincerity.

In all, this is a play to that of society's view. Is it so wrong for someone of a lower status class to be in love with someone of a higher order? Has sincerity been thrown away? Can one of a lower status even find himself in a confident post in society? or at least in love? One only wishes to know. I hope you've enjoyed this poem as much as I did.

n-joi

00Raiser.

2009-02-06T06:08:00.000-08:00

HAHA. SO HAPPY TODAY! ;p ;p ;p. not only because I went out with Gwen, but....

IT FINALLY CAME AFTER BEING SO DAMN LATE! 00RAISER!

Haha. though it was released on 11th of Dec, it came today at La Tendo. will post more photos later. But in the meantime, i'm hoping that the HCM Pro Arios + GN Archer set comes next friday. ;p. the HCM Pro 00 RAISER IS SEXY!!!!!! ;p ;p ;p.

Just wrote a new song but not fully completed. ;p its in its sketching period.

till then,
n-joi

AnOde.

2009-02-06T05:48:00.000-08:00

"1 - 5 = 1"

An escapade within discontent.
Ambiguity in the black dot among the white.
This smile,
real,
reflects your confusion.

Pretentious and contentious,
this my artistry,
of smooth transitions within a revolution,
of outbreaks,
of breakouts,
the smell of the air below.

I nurse the poison,
deeper into my blood stream.

Broad to narrow,
Machine,
Machiavelli,
Iago,
your will be my moral villiany.

Realist,
to remove the imagination,
from the confinement of the heart.
This is pessimism in optimism.
Of which a revenge is unplanned.

Undermine for its place,
the perfect time breeds,
the mind's chorus in a discord,
in a harmony.
Impeccable is the smell of blood.

This smile,
real,
reflects your demise.

Sensitivity.

2009-02-03T05:19:00.000-08:00

Contrasting Lilies

Lilies, oh lilies,
Your words upon my lips.
As I awake to see the face of truth,
the eyes in which I seek my solace.

For the world was never enough,
and it never will be,
as the time slips pass our stream of consciousness.
Our love dissipates.
Petal.

By petal.

When the fire comes, where will we be?
I seek heaven,
but it is hell to get to heaven.

My sins will not lead me,
your perfection is what burns me.

Lilies, oh lilies,
were we even meant to be?
Maybe I can’t see you,
Maybe you can’t see me.

In the endless fields,
I pray the wind blows.
So that when all is said and done,
your sweet pollen reaches,

Sincerely,
to thee.

GreatMusicGreatFood.

2009-01-30T05:38:00.000-08:00

Today was jamming day with Evangeline again. AND IT WAS SO DARN GOOD TODAY WE HAD TO EXTEND IT BY HALF AN HOUR! lol. With her help, she brought my original composition, "Three Way Crash" to a WHOLE NEW LEVEL. A new wicked intro put into place that is radio worthy. LOL. ok, i'm exaggerating. but it was SOOOOOO DARN GOOD. if anyone wants to hear the intro please ask, i'm more than willing.

And once more again today, I OVERENJOYED MYSELF. hahahaa. like she said, what was fun about today was the fact that we didnt plan anything and everything just went smoothly. After jamming, we wanted to have Soup Spoon at Raffles. then on the train, I got a call. My KSE As Daylight Dies Special Edition had arrived.

My KSE CD/DVD collection.

Then because our destination changed, we decided to have Soup Spoon in town. Then suddenly.

Evan- "Hey lets eat something else."
Me - " erm, there isn't anything else except Fish & Co."
Evan -" I've never eaten Fish & Co. before."
Me - " LETS EAT IT THEN!"

Menu =
2 Philadelphia Fish & Chips (Fish and Chips with CREAM CHEESE INSIDE IT)
1 Fishing Maria and 1 "can't remember the name" - both alcholic drinks. ;PPPPP

Evan and her First time at Fish & Co.

My Brunner (Breakfast + Lunch + Dinner)

THEN AGAIN, randomly, we headed to Dhoby Ghaut feeling full, sleepy, broke and tired. Plan was for YAMI Yoghurt. but when we reached Evan didn't want it anymore. LUCKILY we took bus. LOL.

Listening to the songs we recorded today at the jamming studio makes it so fun. I honestly cant wait for the next time. LOL.

till then,
n-joi

p.s will update on two poems i recently wrote, one that i submitted for my school's Love Poetry contest, and will also update about CNY soon. ;p

Lilies.

2009-01-30T05:33:00.000-08:00

This post is overdue by 1 whole week. But oh well, better late than never.

Last Friday was a special day. Gwen's paycheck day. And she wanted to treat me to lunch and get me a new wallet. ;p ;p ;p.

So after my CNY celebration ended in school, I headed down to Punggol to pick her up. Afterwhich we headed straight to town for a late lunch. I mean, PEPPER LUNCH!!!!! ;p ;p ;p.
Received news during lunch that my Killswitch DVD had arrived and headed to get it from Far East. ;p ;p ;p. Got my wallet and then headed down to Simply Toys at Plaza Sing to get her COACH wristlet/wallet/clutch/I dont't know what it is called. And what better way to end it then to head down to MUJI at Marina Square to get retarded food items. And our last stop....

Marvellous Cream at CityLink. AND TRUST ME IT IS GOOOOOOOOOD!

My new wallet and it's sexy casing.I never knew a Nike Wallet could be this sexy. ;p

And to sum it off, THANK YOU GWENDOLYN! ;p.

Love is in the subtle things you do.
n-joi

PNEUMONIAATTACK.

2009-01-22T05:36:00.000-08:00

Recently, my friend suffered a pneumonia attack. She was hospitalised for a week plus. During that time she was so sick that she didn't message or call or reply back to my miss calls or messages. She claimed she was like a living dead. Actually I claimed that. She sucked so bad cause she got me so worried. This is for Ruth. Who calls herself Confucius. Who says that Confucius will turn you into a grasshopper. Or a praying mantis. Who always never fails to make me laugh even though she is back home and sounds like she is dying like a dying dog. I love you bud. ;p ;p ;p.

RUTH GET WELL SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON! Or CONFUCIUS WILL KICK YOUR ASS! PNEUMONIA POWER!!!!!!

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTS.

LateAndRandom.

2009-01-21T05:33:00.000-08:00

As the title of this post says, this post is dedicated to late (aka never posted stuff) and random pictures since like december. LOL.

and first off, we have FOOD FOOD FOOD FOOD FOOD. FOOD.Discovered upon when I cooked eggs. ;p

Introducing Kickapoo ZERO. Met it in December.
Mushroom MANIA!!!! I LOVE MUSHROOMS!

Here's my creation, Dijon Mushroom. aka, Mushroom cooked with Dijon Mustard. ;p
Steak from Astons. First time I went for rare steak. Good, not for the faint hearted.
This was when I went to TCC with Evan. I had this Bailey's concoction drink. FREAKING GOOD.
From TCC too. ;pThis soup is from Espirito Buncho. It's some brazillian spicy crab soup. It tastes like Laksa soup, only less thick, with REAL crab and is less filling. In the background you can see fizz cider. An alcoholic drink that tastes like beer with apple. ;p;p;p

My FIRST EVER DIG AT A WAGYU BEEF! from Espirito Buncho. AND ITS DAMN SEXILY GOOD. this one here is the ribeye. LOL. my mum got hereself the Tenderloin. I prefer the ribeye cause it is MORE FATTY! ;p ;p ;p ;p ;p.

And up next we have ARTSY FARTSY BUT NOT TOO ARTSY STUFF. haha.I call this "Fattening" lol.
Meet the resident cat that resides at the exercise station that I work out. It's his/her place and I ALWAYS see it there whenever i'm there. People don't even shoo it away. Just look at this pic, it looks soooooooo relaxed. Thought it was darn cute so I took a pic. ;p
This is called "Unhappy Birthday" Go figure.
And what a better pic than the sunrise. Ok, not much of a sunrise, but WHATEVER.

And next, we have an update on FIGURINES AND MODELS.

Guitars are Sex Symbols. LOL.
Ok, I know you think I overspent. But when 3 of them are free in a sense, I didn't spend much. lol.
Wing Zero vs Tallgeese

And the following are all of my friends/family. ;p

After the choir concert with TKSS.
VIJAY IS ROLLY POLLY LOVE.
Yan Xuan Is DAO KIA MOLLY!
Mr Yong is YONG TAU FU LOVE!Altos and an idiot.

At Marche, Vivo, with 3 adults and 4 kids. 1 family!How can you not love your cousin who is willing to pose for stupid purposes? ;p

XAVIER'S BIRTHDAY AT ESCAPE WITH SAMAXAVICA!
Samaxavica. ;p and Mr Frosty.
WE love you Xavier. Though you got retained, you will always be the Xa in Samaxavica. and you're always be a 08A301cian. LOL. AND I MISS YOU!!!!!

TOYS R US FUN WITH AH CHENG AH!!!!!

I AM HOT. HERE IS PROOF.
ONLY HIS LEGS ARE HOT. AHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Barney pimps on the MACH 5 with BIG SOUNDS!
EXCLUSIVE! PIKA CAUGHT IN THE ACT. BECAUSE...

He is hot. DUH?!?!?!And after being terrorise by 3 spongebobs with Madagascar feet,
Wei Cheng runs wild and brings Pikachu home.

THATS ALL!
n-joi

ItComesFullCircle.

2009-01-17T20:40:00.000-08:00

“Karma. He said to her."

OK, TIME FOR UPDATE!

School has started recently, and I have just gone through its first week. It's scary to note that A levels are this year. So i'm going to be working real hard for it. New teachers have been mostly an extra boost rather than a screwed up change like last time. And here is a shoutout to the departed brothers of 08A3o1, Xavier Ong and Gary. We miss the shit out of you.

Been out with the following people since the last update.

Wei Cheng - Who camped in my house overnight on friday, and of whom has been going went out with me on wednesday, coming all the way to my school gate. When he stayed over, we had late night prata, guitar-ing on the street at 2am, pool-ing, arcad-ing and lan gaming. We played this game called Left 4 Dead. Pretty rad game. seriously. LOL.

Godma and Godsis - The SUPER BELATED CHRISTMAS DINNER. lol. ate at the organic cafe at Century Square basement.

Gwen - Went out with her on Monday to town to get my Nike Sneakers which was a steal at 76 bucks only. And also went out with her on Friday to just relax. Also caught Ponyo On The Cliff By The Sea last saturday, of which Xavier Ong was in the same Cinema as me. ;p

Amanda - Picked me up from school on Thursday. ;p ;p. and had Carl's Junior at EastCoastPark. and talked shit with her friend who came to pick us up in a Subaru. lol.

Talking to my best bud about relationships, both that of friends and love relations. and we both agreed on this quote

“It is better to be hated for who you are, than to be loved for someone you are not.”

Why would you love somebody whom is not him/herself? Why should we change for anyone? True friends are hard to find was another thing we talked about. They are a rare commodity. So when you really find one, and not just find, but be 100% sure they are authentic, treasure them. But, anyway, the definition of a true friend is hard to abide by. Thats why we hate people for so many reasons. Friends just come and go. True friends stick to your side no matter how fucked up you are. Thats why i'm glad that I got to know Wei Cheng. You rock bro.

Lastly, I'M SO ANGRY THAT MY PREORDER AT LA TENDO HASN'T FREAKING ARRIVED!!!!! GRAH. Will update when I get it. ;p

till then,
n-joi

SafetyPins.

2009-01-14T05:03:00.001-08:00

Broken Dance

Flying grace.
Spinning time.
Art in slow motion.

She dances,
leaping through the barrier the confines her.

But on her toes,
for not to long.

She twists as her heart,
wrenched and dwelled in a moment.
A moment of overflowing emotion.

Seemingly.
Seemingly.

She crumbles,
giving way,
sliding on to the floor.

Crashing.

Her breath and sweat mixes
with the traces her feet left.

Intoxicating.

Broken.
You can't dance again.

She recalled.
Bitterly.

The picture on the wall is a lost cause.
A lost inspiration,
just a picture.
How can anyone dance like that.

Not her, no.
Not yet.

Standing at the end of her tether.

Her final move.

Piercing the end.

One last breath.

The pelican takes flight.

Twirl,

Twirling,

with all her might.

The world stops,

and envious eyes gaze upon her.
Finally she smiles.

She can dance again.

An endless spiral of passion,

drips,

from her lifeless body.

The world was never so perfect for her.
Never.

SlamPoetry.

2009-01-14T05:03:00.000-08:00

I have lost this dark fire.
The dark abyss that swallowed the sick feeling I created time and again.

A change I made,
A change too wrong.
Smiling for people,
smiling for me.

I needed a different outlet,
and I fell into a wrong one.

Fuck what I have become.
A victim to petty emotions.
A victim to feelings.
A weak and lowly measle.
A broken self.

My heart,
I broke out from its coldness.
I broke out from its stone of protection.

A change I know seek.
To socialise again with hatred,
bitterness and sorrow.
So that when I open the weakened eyes,
the world would burn in flames,
blackest than the devil's breath.

For mine is not pain.
Mine is anger in its purity.
I shall not seek comfort.
I shall turn away your lying smiles.
I will rise above the adversity that tempts,
that weakens me.

I shall live to seek,
seek to find.
To find a reason,
to let the ember rage into an inferno,
to a manifestation of fear and hatred.
And at last this conflagaration tear apart all ties,
disintegrating you into ashes and cries.

I will hate to live,
live to hate.
This is my curse.
My burden.
My damn right strength.

n-joi

0222-23.

2009-01-10T19:38:00.000-08:00

The Weakened.

A flash.

A flip.

In a phase it is gone.
Too quickly unseen.

Truth hidden.

Concealed within the darkest mind,
where dreams were never reality.

Spat in the eye,
stinging.
The bloodshot poison.

Insult to injury,
that the injury already sears the heart.

Falling, knees first.
Forced-fed begging.

Eating the thorns,
not the rose.

Battered, bruised and broken.

My flesh torn,
my heart exposed to the inept injection of yours.

But, too late, i've died.
Your last blow,
useless.

I've won.

My words render useless though,
my hand won't lift its blood.
My soul wouldn't rise.
Tied to the grave with the grave on my back.

Now, 24.
You only realise when it's over.
23 left 22.
22 left too soon.

DarkestAmbition.

2009-01-08T00:34:00.000-08:00

Dead Intercourse.

I dreamt of you.
I dreamt you died.
In crimson red, did you revive.

You don't know me,
and maybe you never will.
My dreams are exclusively mine.
But within them I know,
you're dead.
Not alive.

Fortify my hunger,
my insatiable appetite for flesh,
and blood,
drove me to love you,
faintly,
yet bids me to kill.

Be attracted to who I am,
be attracted to the end.
Amicably I greet you,
and there was more than the touch of your hand.

This passion has driven me to the end,
for where the human spirit breaks.

No more,
God forbade.
but no,
no more,
your being,
my flesh too weak,
I can't take.

I dreamt of you sexually,
but never were in real life,
in which I am the only one with judgment,
the reason of decide.

I wake up in cold sweat.
What is this I dream?
But with the blade already on your throat,
it's already beyond what it seems.

Love,
Necro.

YouDon'tNeedToBother.

2009-01-07T05:55:00.000-08:00

OOOOOOOOOOOOHWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. Today was a extremely fun filled day. And I OVERenjoyed myself.

The day started with me watching the "Gundam Wing - Endless Waltz" movie. ;p

Then I headed out to meet Evan to jam. And guess who was 1 1/2 hour late. Craperonni.

Had lunch before jamming a solid two hours with Evan. Was really good jamming cause I got to really play much more as Evan plays the piano and I can play more lead-ish stuff. ;p ;p ;p. We jammed a song I would term as the We-just-fell-in-love-with-it-one-day-ago song called Bother by Stone Sour. The lyrics are beautiful. Seriously. Also jammed out a few original songs. And I really enjoyed it. Me trying to drum sucked pretty badly as per usual. No wonder Evan prefers me to play the guitar.

Following which we headed down to Bugis as she needed to get something from Swee Lee. There I saw a 12-stringed Martin & Co. guitar which sounds so beautiful at its price of $880. heh. Evan was freaking out over its sound. But this was only after we headed to TCC for some drinks and to go and pay a visit to my Godsis who works there. LOL. it was so damn funny to notice how she was so AWKWARD. lol. Sat down and talked with her for a bit while she had her half an hour dinner. LOL.

THEN to Takashimaya. for one reason. To use the 20 bucks taka voucher I had left on one last Gundam item. The Tallgeese from Gundam Wing. It looks cool with its weapons and all, but the articulation as compared to the Gundam Wing/Heavyarms/Deathscythe/Sandrock which I collected is pretty lousy as it is loose. Probably going to put it some blue tac to stiffen it up. LOL.

And finally, the last stop which was a last minute plan. To meet my greatest bud, Wei Cheng, who needed to shop at Cotton On. We had fun making fun of the shitty music they were playing and laughing at other lame ass shit. Below documents a few examples.

Music playing - " Please don't say no."
Wei Cheng - "Yes."
Music - " Please don't say no, no,"
Me - " OK we said yes, shut up."
Music - " noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo..."
Wei Cheng - " Radio pai liao(spoil)"

Cant remember how this came about.
Wei Cheng - " ATM. Auto-teller machine."
Me - " so they tell you everything automatically la. Like a broke guy goes there. and then the ATM tells him out loud, "your balance is 5 dollars. Haha. Haha.", then a rich guy goes there and the ATM goes, " WAH, le jin wu lui (you got a lot of money), withdraw, withdraw, give me, give me. "

OH AND THIS CLASSIC LINE FROM HIM THE LAST TIME WE WENT OUT.
(At Kinokuniya bookstore)
Wei Cheng - " Wah. I look around this place ah, then hor, i pity the trees." LOL.

And just to show his lameness.
(while I was on the phone with Gwen and Wei Cheng hearing the convo.)
Me - "You want me to get you anything?"
Gwen - " Something cold."
Me - "Cold?"
Gwen - "Sushi."
Wei Cheng - " WAH. Low temperature sushi."

And because I love him so much as a bud, i'm going to declare it here and put up a old picture of us.

I LOVE WEI CHENG/HUI CHENG/WEI QIANG/MELON/DUST.

till the next update,
n-joi

Angsty.

2009-01-06T00:34:00.000-08:00

F**k all of you, abiders of society,
trying and killing me,
I'll drink up your blood.

F**k all of you, condemnation and hate,
this f**king mess that you made,
I'll rip out your heart.

Try as you may, I still am today,
the person that I always was.
And come some day, that I seek a new way,
I'll stab my own f**king lungs.

F**k all of you, parents that make,
their children as slaves,
one day your turn will come.

F**k all of you, friends that betray,
think it's cool to sway,
watch me make your life undone.

I'll breathe in the air, and say that I dare,
to be what I want to be.
I know I won't care, stripped f**king bare,
f**k the shit you say.

n-joi

ToDied.

2009-01-05T07:42:00.000-08:00

Culprits and Fingerprints

Am I just another victim of love,
and its war?
Am I a victim so blind,
you'll let me die?

Competing for love is so hard,
when you're sewing up every vein in your heart.
Looking through shattered windows to see,
my soul dismembered.

What have you remembered?

Am I just another victim of love,
and its war?
Am I a victim so blind,
you'll let me die?

Why do I tell you I love you,
when your silence is the only echo.
The seal you gave has expired,
and all relations severed.

Am I just another victim of love,
and its war?
Am I a victim so blind,
you'll let me die?

Should I fight for an answer?
When the answer is clearly no.

Karmacoded.

2009-01-05T07:26:00.000-08:00

Update - I failed my Basic Driving Theory Test.

FUCKKKKKKKKKKK MAN.

Hung out with Charmaine and Charlene today. Been awhile since we three last hung out together. lol. And Charmaine+Charlene are both damn retarded, especially Charlene. OH JANE IF YOU ARE READING THIS, THERE IS SOMEONE WHO IS LOUSIER THAN YOU IN VIRTUAL TENNIS. lol.

Too long, too far, everyday.
Too short, too painful, everyday.
Aromatherapy, sweet but too short.
Of which the scent shall always plague my thoughts.

n-joi

Petals.

2009-01-01T23:24:00.000-08:00

A Rose Ago.

Counting the fallen petals,
as you drop them on the floor.
One to two, two to four,
these aren't petals no more.

A rose, a rose,
more crimson than blood,
echoes the silence,
screams about the pain,
is this love or pain that is everlasting?

Deep breaths choke me more,
dead on the floor,
still they steal the air from me.

Eyes weary.
A rose ago.
Now closed forevermore.
Do you even care?

HappyNewYear.PullYourEar.

2009-01-01T01:58:00.000-08:00

HAPPY NEW FREAKING YEAR ALL OF YOU PEOPLE.

Incompletion.

2008-12-30T05:56:00.001-08:00

The Sea Walker

Windless breeze, sin plagued sand,
one moon over the dim stars.
He threads down its road.
The endless.

He was told,
rings and bands, hold up.
He was told.

Hated revelations of an everlasting covenant.
He never knew, yet he still walked,
down the sea path,
deeper and further,
every time around.

Stopping at the stone,
yet another rose to the many unseen ones.
Time doesn't waste, time was treasured.
Now, wasted.

He had gone up,the angels embrace him.
He embraced no one.
The search failed, unfulfilling success in the end.

Before she died,
she lied.

AbsenceOfMind.

2008-12-24T03:27:00.000-08:00

OK. Quick Update.

Firstly, MERRY F**KING CHRISTMAS TO ALL YOU PEOPLE. WAHAHAHAHHAAH.

That done, I just bought SmackdownVsRaw2009 for my PSP. And i've been not doing much productive stuff lately except when I head out to have fun, of which I've become too lazy to blog about. So to all those critics who say I am not gonna be faithful to everday blogging, YOU HAVE WON. LOL. So I decided, that I want to do more of writing when i feel like it. And NO, my writing does not have to reflect my mood. It's just random. RANDOM. and it's also an excuse not to blog about my daily live as much. WHOOOOOTS. lol. okok. So, i've been out with the following people lately.

1) Gwen. ;p ;p ;p
2) Jane
3) Mum
4) Amanda - cuzzie
5) Amanda Charlene - Godsis

More to come as i have to meet up with,

1) Gwen ;p ;p ;p
2) Amanda Charlene and my Godma.
3) Wei Cheng - WATCHING YES MAN- OH YES.
4) Yun Sheng
5) Amanda - cuzzie - to take my Basic Theory Test for driving.
6) Ruth - AND IF YOU ARE READING THIS NOW RUTH. YOU BETTER MAKE A DAY FREE!

And get my Gundam 00 + O Raiser HCM Pro set when it comes out.

yep. So till then. God bless the World.
n-joi

p.s - The stupid incident on the Singapore Flyer. Was done by me. And my SUPERABILITY TO DAMAGE MOTORS WITH MY TELEKENISIS POWERS. ;p ;p ;p

Melodies.

2008-12-24T03:13:00.000-08:00

On This Guitar

I play, the strings, as they come to life.
Speaking, whispering, chanting.
The notes echoes deep sentiments.
Words form up, as they slip, from my lips.
Vibrations of waves, crying.
Fills the stagnant air.
Ripples of emotions.
Stages of concentration.

Then they break.
Into nonsensical thoughts.
Verses that refuse to find the chorus.
Lines reduced to words.
Stopping. Waiting. For the next train.
A heartache of sorts.
Or another joyous day.

It comes back, quickly, slowly, some way.
And links together nicely.
I find it all too easily.
Too easy, it scares me.
Too easy, it haunts me.

As a stirring awakens an inner demon.
A demon from the past.
Puts the words in place.
Melodies on this guitar.
Play in unwanted unison.

Melodies that plagued.
Melodies unwanted.

ThirteenBlankPages.

2008-12-22T18:34:00.000-08:00

Sketches

Thirteen blank pages.
Twelve white, one green.
Flipping through distortion and beauty.
Art and memories not so distant.

An unfinished poem.
Incomplete sketches of pain and confessions.
Closed eyes for inspiration.
But visions of black is the only thing envisioned.
On white paper.

Balcony windows with no safety.
Ghosts at every corner of the house.
Nostalgia and Déjà vu.
Sketches, haunted.

Blend of colours, blending to naught.
Ruined ruins.
As the paper grows old.
Its ends coil in, the paint seeps through.
Tattered and torn, but in one piece.

An artwork so magnificent.
In its depreciation.
Perfect.

Solitare.

2008-12-17T23:46:00.000-08:00

My Confusion.

Double the love, half the joy.
Two parts to my heart.
One might stay, one might go.
Fanciful lights that decorate.
Glistening but I swore, there was something wrong.
The paper crane flows down a river.
Slowly, getting wet and disappearing.

Now I’m at the crossroads,
with no traffic on both sides.
Left or right, right or wrong,
just this time I don’t know.

One lullaby, two pairs of ears.
Three hearts crash and burn.
Two alive, but one will be dead.
Imagination versus reality.
Can’t decide now, but there is something wrong.
Water poured over a bonfire,
Doused, but it’s gone, over and out.

Now I’m at the crossroads,
with no traffic on both sides.
Left or right, right or wrong,
just this time I don’t know.

I can cry, like a helpless wimp,
useless, but I can’t help it so
I just lie in wonder.

Day2.

2008-12-08T05:02:00.000-08:00

ARGH. Sudden boredom and nothing much to do over these few days. Been going out here and there with nothing much to do.

However this changed today with a visit to La Tendo at tha Kallang Leisure Park. BECAUSE I'VE BOUGHT MYSELF TWO GOODIES!!!!!!

YES, the much sought after by me GN Flag from Gundam 00, of which only one producer would release as a model, AND I HAVE IT!!!!! I also got Joseph's berseker Blassreiter Form from the anime Blassreiter!!!! That one is SOOOO sexy due to its black and red colour scheme. as compared to his normal form of dark blue and purple. OOOOOH yea. ;p ;p ;p. A little costly especially the latter but I was DAMN HAPPY CAN?!?!?!!?! ;p ;p ;p.

"Joseph" - The Sword is DAMN SEXY TOO!!!

"GN Flag" - the heavily underated sexy Mobile Suit.

HAHA. then I went to play pool with Yun Sheng, and I kinda sucked today. HAHA. but I guess what was cool was that we ate at ASTON'S baby!!!!! The steak. Is. Heavenly. ;p ;p ;p. then an hour of Counter Strike for fun. HAHA.

Well. Nothing else much to update about. HAHA.
Till the next update,
n-joi

IsThereAnythingBetweenUs.

2008-12-05T18:20:00.000-08:00

What If

Verse 1

It’s late at night about a quarter to 12,

Sitting by the phone waiting for a call.

A word, a response from you,

And once again,

Its quiet in here with no sound of you.

Should I ever have told you,

That I fell in love with you?

Should I have just waited?

I really wonder.

Chorus

What if you loved someone who,

Doesn’t know if she loves you.

Cause everything just feels so right,

Yet so wrong.

What am I to do?

Verse 2

What could be right in my wrongs?

Did you sit down to find my mistakes?

What are you contemplating with?

Don’t tell me it’s all gone in flames.

Would I suffer if you were gone,

Cause I still can’t describe this pain.

I really wonder.

Chorus

Bridge

Even if the stars were to fall from the sky,

Would I be able to hold you and not say goodbye?

And If I were the only guy who stands left,

Would you come to me?

And I wonder.

Last Chorus

What if you loved someone who,

Doesn’t know if she loves you.

Cause everything just feels so right,

Yet so wrong,

What am I to do?

Can’t you see how you’re making me feel?

I’m just lost, lost within you.

SadnessInHappiness.Repeats.

2008-12-05T05:39:00.000-08:00

What am I to search for,

as you rip me apart on more time.

I thought we had an answer,

then suddenly, it's goodbye.

BoatInABottle.

2008-12-02T01:00:00.000-08:00

Whoots! Batam Dedicated Post!!!!!

And so, the trip was planned and we met at Habourfront at around 7.30am. And what a way to start of the trip with STARBUCKS FOR BREAKFAST. Dark Cherry Mocha IS HEAVENLY! and does not taste like cough mixture (yes Angelica, I still insist that it does not.)

Took a ferry there and we sat in the open air. Where I tried to get into a comfy position to sleep and ended up nudging some fat lady's seat, and she seemed damn irritated. Then my uncle, whom I was too room with joked with me saying that the lady might scream molest. And I answered.

" I'll just tell the lady that I don't have bad taste and I think even the cops would agree."

My uncle went into a fit of laughter. ;p ;p ;p.

The first sight upon alighting the ferry.

The first sight upon entering the hotel.

The first sight upon entering the bedroom.

The first sight of the terrorizing cousin on a bed. LOL.

When we reached, it was about NOON. which only meant one thing. LUNCH. Where we are DIM SUM. ;p ;p ;p ;p ;p ;p.

Fantastically huge Prawn Mayo. ;p ;p ;p.

"Erm. I don't eat prawn" - Younger Cousin.

The Kid's artistic food piece. LOL.

A quick pic of my cousins and me plus my Grandma.

And I had to play bodyguard to the small kids swimming. lol.

After that, we rested before we had dinner. BUT NOT BEFORE THIS.

MY UNCLE TRYING TO ACT FREAKY. EPIC LOL.

I had this wonderfully decorated Cabonara. ;p ;p.

After that we went to the arcade where I played pool with my uncles and watch the kids spend 10 bucks on credits for this Ski Game. LOL.

AND THEN KARAOKE!!!

With LIME VODKA!

Day Two - The Shopping

My incredible find. PEANUT BUTTER IN A PACKET!!!!

Camwhoring with my aunt who wanted this picture. I look so retarded. -_-. lol.

Shopping was great due to the unbelievable prices of the shirts. AND THEY WERE SLOGAN SHIRTS!!!!! ;p ;p ;p. I bought 6 slogan shirts at the average price of 5 bucks per piece. ;P:P:P.

I wanted to buy this shirt if not for the "wether" part.

Lunch at a place that has vanished from Singapore....HOW COOL IS THAT!??!?!

Batam's version of KFC, Best Fried Chicken. HILARIOUS.

Tea at a J.CO outlet. Buy a drink, get a free plain donut. LOL.

Went back to the hotel to get touched by a girl. heh. MASSAGE LA.

The tea tree spa.

And the bed that she was to work out my kinks. LOL.

Had BBQ SEAFOOD FOR DINNER. But I forgot to take pictures of anything except the desert. ;p

Day Three - Departure. - Nothing much on this day lor. LOL.
So basically that was the trip la. LOL. AND HERE IS A PIC OF THE SHIRTS I BOUGHT!!!!

HAHA. BTW, I'm SOOO sorry for the super late update. I know this is damn late especially since I came back on Sunday. On Monday was also the performance with TKSS PLUS XIOA HUI'S BIRTHDAY SURPRISE. Been busy so FINALLY now, i've decided to update. Was really reluctant about the Batam post cause there were SOO many pictures. Will update again soon. ;p

Till then,
n-joi

Words.

2008-11-27T08:18:00.001-08:00

You just came back today. Your quick response. Without listening properly. Unwelcomed and Hurting. What were you thinking. Commentless and Disappointed.

Just came off the phone with Wei Cheng who has been my best bud for 12 yrs now. And we started finding random things to rhyme with the word hell. And it was damn lame but funny.

Trade off between me and Wei Cheng.
-"This way to heaven, this way to hell."
-"This way to KFC, this way to taco bell."
-"This way to scream, this way to yell."
-"This way to Longkang, this way to well."
-"This way to buy, this way to sell."
-"This way to Compaq, this way to Dell."
-"This way to wax, this way to gel."
-"This way to hardcore match, this way to Hell in A Cell."
-"This way to ask, this way to tell."
THEN THE ULTIMATE K.O.
Wei Cheng - "This way to fish, this way to eel." LOL. POWER LA CHENG!!!

n-joi

TheOneLastTime.

2008-11-27T04:42:00.000-08:00

"If only you can understand that I still need another OneLastTime."

Leaving for Batam tomorrow. Till I come back,
n-joi

Just for fun I thought i'll put an emo one liner. Just to make my blog look a little more emo-er.
And while i'm at that, I should also make the font small like those bloggers who do so. LOL.
So I hope you really SQUINTED your eyes.
And I really like the picture by the way.

AnApplicableMemoir.

2008-11-26T17:55:00.000-08:00

I was listening to a song called "My Curse" yesterday. And I finally found its real meaning. Not only within me, but what I found on the internet. And I have to say. It's one of the saddest yet beautiful songs i've come to realise to date. The following is screencaps from the song. With my own words.

"I stand alone,

Watching you in the wilderness.

Though your hands caress, ever so gently,The memories chooses to stay in a written form.

An emptiness within me as the memories scatter,

An emptiness within these endless matters,
An empty void, with nothing better.

And as I frantically flip through the memories collected,I see your face, broken and shattered.

But, alas, a pleasant one to see,A perfect picture of you. Of you and me."

"My Curse pertains to the theme of dwelling on a passed loved one. The woman in the white dress in the field represents the man in black's life with her when he felt happy and free. The dark study is an embodiment of his depression after her death (To see you again/Dying, inside, these walls/ Dying,inside, these walls), and the books the man flips through throughout the video represent his memories of her. After her death, he dwells on her passing (I strain my eyes, hoping to see you again) and tries to find a way to be with her again (There is love burning to find you / Will you wait for me? / Will you be there?). Ultimately, his memories consume him; however, as his memories finally kill him, he is finally able to reunite with his love (And I see your face). The man's "curse" is that he is trapped in a life where he is unable to be with the woman he loves (This is my curse, the longing / This is my curse, time / This is my curse, the yearning)." - Wikipedia.

Here are the full lyrics of the song.

My Curse - Killswitch Engage

I watched you walk away
Helpless, with nothing to say
I strain my eyes
Hoping to see you again

This is my curse (the longing)
This is my curse (time)
This is my curse (the yearning)
This is my curse

There is love burning to find you
Will you wait for me?
Will you be there?

Your silence haunts me
But still I hunger for you

This is my curse (the wanting)
This is my curse (time)
This is my curse (the needing)
This is my curse

There is love burning to find you
Will you wait for me?

Still I want
And still I ache
But still I wait
To see you again

Dying, inside, these walls.

And I see your face in these tears? In these tears
And I see your face...

There is love.

"And I will wait, and search. Till I find you."

Till the next update,
n-joi

BittersweetMoments.

2008-11-26T05:12:00.000-08:00

"Cause it's a Bittersweet Symphony, this life..." - The Verve

Bittersweet refers to a combination of the standard tastes of sweetness and bitterness, and is often used as a metaphor for experiences which have elements of both happiness and sadness. - Wikipedia.

I love bittersweet stuff. For the first time today, I hated it. Later on, it was the best thing ever.

Been in a write-sy mood lately and I wrote this. check it out.

BitterSweet Moment

Something simple, something sweet.
That’s how you gave it to me.
The path that closes, that winds down narrow,
Leads to a greener pasture.
Falling from heights so high,
yet landing to find roses with a hand that gripped on tight.

Fear this no more that our hearts are torn.
But remember this isn’t feelings lost, but feelings born.
A smile, there lies, such beauty and innocence.
Lost to the heart, but etched into the mind.
Blood on a scar, washes away it’s ugliness.
And the last strand, left unbroken.

Spinning around in revolutions, small,
ripples on puddles from the rain.
Lamenting the beauty, secret shelter from pain.
Give the thieves your keys,
and they’ll unlock more than what you hoped to see.
Bittersweet moment, one time, last time.
Goodbyes are not forever.

Well, nothing much happened today in choir except that the conductor was a little pissed with me and two other friends. But a huge shoutout to Nigel who never fails to amaze me with his classic one liners. So, for him, here's the quote of the day

Nigel - "He's on a journey of self-discovery."
LOL. Private Joke. Ask me in person.

Heading to Batam with my family on Friday till Sunday. So yup. Till then,
n-joi